


glitter and hoodies

by Anonymous



Series: things i keep on the shelf of my heart [7]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Age Regression/De-Aging, Aged-Up Character(s), Biting, Childhood Trauma, Choking, Daddy Issues, Depression, Dissociation, Gross, M/M, Marking, Mild Sexual Content, Past Rape/Non-con, Showers, Spit Kink, Toys, Violent Thoughts, Whump, whoopsies everyone is traumatized
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22095562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “I-I want to hurt you, let me hurt you.”ETA: I DO NOT CONSENT FOR MY WORKS TO BE TAKEN FROM AO3 AND UPLOADED TO ANY OTHER APPS/SITES
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Woojin
Series: things i keep on the shelf of my heart [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1327439
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72
Collections: Anonymous





	glitter and hoodies

**Author's Note:**

> uh, hi. i'm back with this one too, cause i couldn't stop with the whump ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ here we go, some lovely angst and sadomasochism. as usual, tell me if something needs to be tagged.

Chan hadn’t had to see his family face to face in a month, and he couldn’t be happier. He hadn’t hurt himself in multiple weeks and felt more stable than he had done in years. 

“Channie? I’ve got a gift for you.” Woojin called out into the apartment and smiled to himself when he heard the younger man running to the kitchen. He turned around just in time to see Chan skidding into the room, nearly slipping on his fuzzy socks. He was wearing a large flannel shirt that Woojin had bought for him, that he absolutely drowned in.

“What is it Daddy? Can I see?” He said, excitedly bouncing on the balls of his feet and Woojin smiled fondly.

“Ah, you have to pay for shipping first baby.” He teased and tapped his lips with one finger; Chan pouted but stood on his toes to press his lips to Woojin’s, brief and chaste with a candy taste.

“What did you get me Daddy?” He said impatiently when he pulled away and Woojin giggled. He pulled the neatly wrapped package out from behind him and held it out, laughing when Chan gasped happily. He helped the younger man up on the counter so he could sit while opening up his gift. Chan ripped open the paper and then stared in amazement at the small toy dog he had been given; it had a giant head and was covered in glitter, and Chan looked at it like it was the best thing in the world.

“Do you like it baby?” Woojin asked and Chan nodded fervently, and when he looked up his eyes were glistening with tears. “What’s wrong sweetie?” He asked gently and wrapped his arm around Chan’s broad shoulders.

“I love it Daddy, it’s the bestest thing I’ve ever gotten.” He whispered and pulled Woojin into a tight hug.

Chan wasn’t allowed glittery toys when he was a child, no matter how much he begged his mother for them. She always told him that boys didn’t like glitter, that boys liked cars and action figures. One day in school he exchanged a toy car for a glittery toy pony, that he hid underneath his bed and only played with when he knew his parents weren’t home.

But then his father found it, and he got yelled at for it. His father forced him to throw it out, and Chan wasn’t able to search for it in the garbage to get it again before the trash was collected. He cried himself to sleep two nights in a row, muffling his sobs into his pillow, and he swore he would never play with a ‘girl’s toy’ again.

But the longing grew. When he got older and his sister got kid’s makeup for Christmas he was envious, faking his enthusiasm when he was given yet another action figure he didn’t give a shit about. When he went out with friends to the mall they walked past the ‘girly’ shops, with pastel sweaters and soft skirts and tall socks, things he wished he could have, but wasn’t allowed to have. When he got even older he tried what had been advertised as ‘masculine’ makeup; filling in his eyebrows, evening out his skin, adding a light touch of blush to his cheeks so he didn’t look dead. And it was… nice, but it wasn’t enough. He looked soft-er, but it wasn’t enough.

Figuring out he just wanted to be soft and not aggressive changed his life. He could keep up the facade, but as soon as he was alone he dropped it, relaxed in a state of mind that he could only call ‘small’.

“Channie? What do you want for dinner baby?” Woojin asked, looking at him fondly from where he was leaning against the door frame.

“Pizza?” He mumbled, his hoodie string between his teeth as he looked up. He was playing with his toys, a mismatched collection of plastic animals that ranged from realistic to cartoony. He loved them so much, having named each and everyone after his friends and his favorite characters.

“Well-” Woojin pushed away from the door and walked over to where Chan was sitting, mirroring his hunched over posture when he sat down “-I wanted to talk about something with you, but since you’re not big enough I guess we won’t be able to go out for dinner.” The mention of going out made Chan perk up, and he pushed back his hood to look at Woojin properly.

“Go out? I-I can be big!”

Woojin fiddled nervously with the sleeve of his button down while he waited for Chan to be done in the restroom. As soon as he saw the younger man walking towards him he let out a nervous breath and smiled big at him.

“Are we going home now, bear? I’m a little tired.” Chan said and yawned, letting Woojin interlace their hands and pull him out of the restaurant.

“I actually have something I wanted to tell you.” Woojin said quietly and he immediately felt Chan stiffen. They stopped outside of Woojin’s car and Woojin sighed when he saw the younger man search his face.

“What’s wrong?” He asked quietly, stepping closer so he could cradle Woojin’s face in his hands.

“I trust you so much Chan, and that’s why I’m telling you this.” Woojin whispered and Chan nodded, dropping one hand to his waist to pull him closer. “When I was seventeen, I met this guy. I thought he was great and we dated for a while, but I never wanted to have penetrative sex with him. But one day he-” He cut himself to take a shaky breath before continuing. “-he said that I had been leading him on for too long, and that he wasn’t going to take my teasing anymore.” Chan’s eyes widened until they looked like saucers, filling with tears as he realised what Woojin was about to reveal to him. “He raped me. In my parents’ bedroom. And then he just left.” Woojin forced out the last sentences before a sob wracked through his chest and Chan pulled him down into the crook of his shoulder and neck. 

“You don’t have to say anymore right now. I love you bear, a-and I’m here for you.” Chan croaked into his ear; in any other situation Woojin would have laughed at his voice but now he just cried harder, holding on tight to his boyfriend so they wouldn’t fall apart.

His mind was spinning but he pushed it away, firmly holding onto Woojin’s hand.

“I love you bear.” He whispered, leading his boyfriend from the car into their apartment building. Woojin opened his mouth but seemed unable to speak, so instead he just squeezed Chan’s hand tighter.

Woojin remained silent until they had stripped and gotten into the shower together.

“Chan…” He choked out, pushing his boyfriend against the wall and pressing their bodies together. The warming water sprayed down on them, and Chan wrapped one arm around his waist, one hand in his dampening hair. He hushed into Woojin’s ear, trying his best to soothe him.

“It’s okay bear, it’s okay. Just- just tell me what you need me to do.” He mumbled, not prepared for Woojin to pull back just enough to press their mouths together. It seemed like he was trying to distract himself, so Chan did his best to respond as deeply and sweetly as possible.

“I-I want to hurt you, let me hurt you.” Woojin’s voice was raspy and low, and Chan could feel his mind slipping. “Please…” His boyfriend moved from his mouth to his neck, skipping careful nipping and kissing to bite down on his mole dotted skin, clearly spurred on by how Chan cried and whimpered. 

“Hurt me, hurt me Daddy.” He rushed out, and that was enough for Woojin to turn the water off and push him down in the bathtub.

Chan was so, so beautiful. All the little details, like how his hair floated in the shallow water of the tub, how his mouth fell open in a silent moan when Woojin squeezed tighter around his throat. How he held onto Woojin’s wrists with the gentlest grip, like he was afraid he’d hurt him if he gripped harder. How his feet were twitching without control, splashing the water around and making the waves move his hair like seaweed in the ocean. How he stared up at Woojin, eyes giant and full of love, tears streaming down his face and mixing with the bathwater as he whispered ‘I love you Dad’ over and over again.

Chan’s face was red when Woojin loosened his fists, and he whined pathetically at the loss of sensation. Woojin could feel his mouth fill with spit.

“Open your mouth.” He rumbled. Chan obeyed. Woojin followed suit, and an odd gurgle-moan hybrid ruptured from Chan’s chest when the saliva hit his tongue. Woojin spit the last of it, missing his mouth and hitting his cheek instead.

“Thank you, thank you-” Chan rambled, words jumbled by how he was swishing the saliva around in his mouth. Gods, that’s gross, was the only thing Woojin could think. They were both so gross, and he loved it.

It was well past midnight when they got into bed. Chan had limped about three steps out of the bathroom before Woojin had swept him up and carried him into their bedroom.

“You’re so frail.” Woojin teased as he helped Chan into his favorite blue hoodie, and Chan just stuck out his tongue at him.

“You’re the one who literally bit my ass, I think you’re to blame.” He whined, extra careful when he laid down on their bed so he didn’t agitate the bite marks on his back. Woojin just chuckled and laid down next to him as well, draping the blanket over them.

“You never safeworded so.” He said with a half assed shrug, and Chan smiled. He grabbed Woojin around the neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

“I love it when you push me like that, Daddy. I love you.” He whispered into his mouth, and Woojin pushed out a happy sigh.

“You’re so good to me.” Woojin said, mostly to himself. Chan’s smile faltered, and he gingerly crawled closer to his boyfriend.

“Do you… Do you want to talk about what you told me?” He whispered, and Woojin tensed up. He stared out vacantly into their dark bedroom, and then sighed.

“What about it? What specifically?” 

“What can I do to help you?” Chan’s firm words were unexpected, but not unwelcome.

“Just… Don’t pressure me into bottoming and I think we’ll be fine.” He finally muttered, and Chan kissed him on the chin.

“I’ll just keep admiring your ass from afar then.” Chan joked, patting Woojin’s butt. Woojin scoffed, but kissed him lovingly.

Woojin felt safer with Chan knowing about his trauma.

Chan had never felt happier with someone, and his only wish was that it would last.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm very proud of some of these sentences. like damn, i can write something that beautiful?? holy shit yknow
> 
> i have this... incest thing i started writing (twincest with chan and chris) and i guess i wanted to ask if anyone would want to read something like that?
> 
> comments are a writer's lifeblood and i would appreciate some!!


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